Arthritic Critic

As you may have notice by my lack of posting, I'm not doing so hot. I have a marathon of doctor appointment this week and it just keeps getting more and more depressing. Cortisone shot in my knee on Monday, sign up for a endoscopy on Tuesday, Orencia infusion and an appointment for an injection in my TMJ on Wednesday and I'm only half way through the week. I'm on my second infusion of Orencia and it doesn't seem to be doing very much. In fact, both my left elbow and my left knee are bothering me and I can barely get my mouth open. I'm feeling pretty lousy for having $8000 worth of meds running through my veins. Dr Angry managed to, well...make me angry this week. When I went to see him about my knee and asked for a cortisone injection (my knee is sticking...it gets stuck in the bent position) he looked at me and gave me a big smile and said "You know I don't want to do this, right?" I know it's stupid and petty to be upset about this but I really a...

I just don't understand why some people have to go through so much stuff. I know these times are supposed to bring me closer to God but what really happens is it makes me wonder where the heck God is when these things happen. Really, when you fight so hard to get pregnant, have problems, then have more problems and find out that you might have even bigger problems, at some point don't you feel a little picked on as opposed to "closer in your walk with God." And no, this is not my situation but then mine hasn't been any easier in the last 3 years. I am no Job...I can't keep saying, "ok, God...bring it on, I'm up to the test." Because I'm tired. I'm tired of seeing people that I care about fight, suffer and be scared. I'm tired of being all of those things myself. And I just don't get if God is supposed to be out there watching us, how the hell can he let this stuff happen?