Arthritic Critic

I have RA. It effects me all over. I have 10 different doctors. I'm sick and probably a little frustrated also. One of the things that I really like to do when I'm able is cook. As I start to cook more I realize what in my freezer I need and what I don't. So I put all of my frozen stuff in a bag and donated it to the local food pantry. Of course before I did that I managed to pick up the 30 pound bag from the freezer and hurt my shoulder. The shoulder that I've been working with my surgeon to get better for the last year. That shoulder that I've had 5 cortisone injections in, that shoulder that put me in the hospital from steroid induced adrenal insufficiency. I should feel horrible that I re-injured my shoulder but I don't. How the heck are we supposed to live a normal life if we can't lift a bag when no one else is around to do it? What happens when you need to vacuum? Or pick up your child? Do we live in a bubble because there might be a chance that we in...

The other day I was complaining to Joe as I'm known to do. When I started to moan and groan, "I'm 38 and I shouldn't have to be dealing with my body falling apart"....moan, groan...you know the usual things I normally complain about. After I said the "I'm 38" part for about the 5th time it finally occurred to me that I just celebrated a birthday and I am now 39. I looked at Joe and said, "uh yeah, I'm 39." He just smiled at me and kept his mouth shut. I guess he figured if he corrected me at that point he probably wouldn't have lived to see his 39th birthday....smart man!!

I've often heard people mention that people in wheelchairs are ignored, or that people don't make eye contact with them. In fact, because I've read this so many times I try and make a conscious effort to look someone in a wheelchair in the eye while I try to help them to the best of my ability in whatever way I can. This has been an interesting year for me. I have found myself wearing a corset, a couple of bone stimulators and a cam walker (a boot from my foot to my knee.) I haven't had the situation with people ignoring me, in fact, I have had the opposite and every where I go I get questioned. What did you do, what is that thing, what does it do, is it helping, how do you deal with the heat....until I pretty much feel like I have given every stranger within a 50 mile radius my life story. As I have gotten sicker my life has become much smaller and as you can imagine, I don't even want to tell the people I like about my health for fear of unasked for suggestions or...

As you may have notice by my lack of posting, I'm not doing so hot. I have a marathon of doctor appointment this week and it just keeps getting more and more depressing. Cortisone shot in my knee on Monday, sign up for a endoscopy on Tuesday, Orencia infusion and an appointment for an injection in my TMJ on Wednesday and I'm only half way through the week. I'm on my second infusion of Orencia and it doesn't seem to be doing very much. In fact, both my left elbow and my left knee are bothering me and I can barely get my mouth open. I'm feeling pretty lousy for having $8000 worth of meds running through my veins. Dr Angry managed to, well...make me angry this week. When I went to see him about my knee and asked for a cortisone injection (my knee is sticking...it gets stuck in the bent position) he looked at me and gave me a big smile and said "You know I don't want to do this, right?" I know it's stupid and petty to be upset about this but I really a...

I just don't understand why some people have to go through so much stuff. I know these times are supposed to bring me closer to God but what really happens is it makes me wonder where the heck God is when these things happen. Really, when you fight so hard to get pregnant, have problems, then have more problems and find out that you might have even bigger problems, at some point don't you feel a little picked on as opposed to "closer in your walk with God." And no, this is not my situation but then mine hasn't been any easier in the last 3 years. I am no Job...I can't keep saying, "ok, God...bring it on, I'm up to the test." Because I'm tired. I'm tired of seeing people that I care about fight, suffer and be scared. I'm tired of being all of those things myself. And I just don't get if God is supposed to be out there watching us, how the hell can he let this stuff happen?

A few weeks back when I started to feel a bit better I decided to sign up for myRAfitkit. It's a workout for gimpy people like me. I went to their website and figured out what exactly would work for me and they figured out a program that they thought I could handle...uhm yeah...maybe. They were nice enough to mail me information about their site and a DVD of my exercises. Now this is where it gets weird. I pull the envelop out of the mailbox and it's already opened...and it's a pull tab so it didn't accidentally not get closed. Yes, I kid you not...someone stole my RA exercise routine. Which I truly think is the most warped things I have ever heard of...especially since it's free to anyone on the internet, RA or no. I haven't had a chance to go back and request another DVD because I'm sure when I tell them my copy was stolen before it hit my mailbox they will laugh themselves silly. I think I've decided to start with yoga again, seeing as how I just foun...

When Hope was a baby she used to have a period of the day that she was just cranky and inconsolable. It seems that you don't need to be a newborn to suffer from the witching hour. I still struggle with it every day, especially while I'm trying to heal after surgery. I think I've posted here about the surgery schedule in my family this year. My mom had surgery on her ankle this February, I had surgery on my foot/ankle in March and today my Dad had his knee replaced. During today's witching hour I realized just how much of a toll all of this has taken on me. I have read that very few people have complications or die during surgery but when you have 3 people going through surgery in such a short time you wonder how everything is going to turn out. (Though maybe that's just me because I had complications during my back surgery.) During the other surgeries I did ok but on Sunday I told my Dad he had 48 hours to cancel..and I meant it. Most of the time surgery turns out t...